I am responsible

Some people find it difficult maybe impossible to accept responsibility for their actions? There are many parents who blame the school system when their children tell them that the teachers are horrible and they would rather move the child than deal with the problem in the child. This is also true in business, there are many that will blame the boss rather than look at their own behaviour and correct it. At what point does this type of person accept responsibility for what they have experienced?

We all like to feel important and valued and for others to like us or admire us. There are some people that develop a view of themselves that is beyond their capabilities – this is linked with denial which can create a false perception of oneself and an inability to accept the truth. When this happens it becomes painful or impossible to accept that it is normal to make mistakes and when mistakes are made this type of person just points the finger at somebody else. This person cannot think objectively and accept involvement for their own actions. This can manifest itself as bitterness and blame.

The inability to accept responsibility for our actions and behaviours is a result of insecurity. In taking on board responsibility one may feel they are admitting to being weak, powerless, or an opportunity to lose the respect of others. This type of thinking may result in a person feeling the loss of their own value and importance.

However, it is actually the opposite that is true, accepting responsibility earns you respect. There are not many of us that can be perfect all of the time, we will all make mistakes. It is when we accept responsibility for our mistakes and take any reprisal on the chin that enables us to improve our lives. Just the act of saying ‘I am responsible’ can be liberating and demonstrates the measure of a persons self worth and security and is a true sign of strength and courage. The power that can be felt by moving into this acceptance of responsibility and taking action can not only be life changing for the person experiencing it, but also for those around them. It is empowering and opens the door to growth.

Who would you have the most respect for, someone who accepts responsibility for their actions and is willing to change or someone who continually denies and failings or involvement in situations?

The acceptance of responsibility is a sign of emotional intelligence and maturity.

A Series of unfortunate events……..

What happens when you fail to take responsibility for your actions?

·         Your brain is in denial and the subconscious mind may sabotage any plans or goals you may have.

·         You may start to cut people out of your life in the blame cycle and not get on well with others. You may stick to a certain number of people that are prepared to be in the same negative mindset and that in itself may perpetuate the denial and blame.

·         You may find yourself constantly in similar situations continually finding someone to blame or moving job or house to ‘get away’ from people or situations.

·         You may become inpatient, intolerant and demanding placing unrealistic expectations on others resulting in you becoming their critic and re-entering the blame cycle.

·         You will experience consistent episodes of self doubt and your self confidence will be erratic and dip to very low points.

·         People will avoid you or gradually lose contact with you because they will find your behaviour false, unsavoury or just difficult.

·         When you are at a low in self confidence your need to be right all the time will be heightened and you will often go over old ground to underline why you were right.

When the inability to accept responsibility is sustained over a long period, you will experience a change in your character more visible to others than to yourself. You may become over reliant on others, unable to function without the approval of those who are still friends, angry, defeatist, unhappy, a quitter, irrational, huffy and defiant.

How to really say ‘I am responsible’ and mean it!

·         Stop and think, take some time to assess how difficult you find it to accept responsibility for your actions and your behaviour.

·         If you have chosen to do something then you must accept that you cannot blame anyone else for that choice or the outcomes of it.

·         Work on your self esteem on a daily basis, when you know you are good your behaviour will match your feelings and if you make an error of judgement you will be able to accept that you were wrong on this occasion.

·         Build up your self confidence; actively do things that give you confidence, you won’t be as defensive when you make a mistake.

·         Release you fears – fears creates insecurities. Fact find, ask questions, practice, but never fear.

·         Accept yourself for who you are, warts and all! If you learn to love you and all that you are then others will find it easier to do the same.

·         Be giving of yourself in time, knowledge and if you can afford it money!

·         Above all – it is OK to make mistakes. Mistakes are merely lessons in how not to do things. Accept them as that, move on and make things right.

·         Be humble and show grace, understand the needs of others around you and accept them for what they are.

·         Find gratitude! Be grateful for the things and people in your life, look for the good stuff instead of the bad and acknowledge it.

Taking responsibility can change your life, so go and set some goals, forget the past and concentrate on your successful new future.